Okay?!

– It’s okay.

In life you will get hurt, you will be treated as a “nobody” and that’s okay.

You will get angry, you will get mad and that’s okay.

You will live in denial at times and other times you will embrace the truth and that’s okay.

You will try your best, you will give up then try again; sometimes you will feel alive and sometimes you will feel numb and that’s okay.

Every day will be slightly different and that’s okay.

You ‘ll turn that alarm off, drag yourself out of bed, hoping for a miracle, just any miracle would do. The day begins, it ends…you finish it looking like a zombie and that’s okay.

A glass of wine; white wine preferably. You sit by the window, grab a book you’ve wanted to read a year ago. One hour later; the glass is empty, the book is still closed, you’re still looking from that window and that’s okay.

A dream would do. You’re good wih dreaming; it’s what keeps you going. Dream big or dream small, whatever. As long as you come back then it’s okay.

Forget dreaming. Go dancing. Let yourself loose for once. Release that inner child. Make a mistake. It’s alright, it’s okay.

Stop caring if you lose them, let them care for once it’s okay.

Throw a lie here and there; standing by a principle is no longer fashionable..and that’s okay.

– Wait! So when is it NOT okay?

– You, convincing yourself that THIS is okay!

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2017

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How weak is that?!

There are two kinds of people: the kind and the cruel.

As far as I know, nice people are not always as nice as they seem; their kindness can be a result of weakness. Same as for the unkind ones, their cruelty may be a sign of weakness too.. that is why whenever we judge someone we should always make sure they’re strong enough.

Oddly enough, nowadays people seem to confuse weakness with kindness and vice versa.. See, weakness is not something one should be ashamed of but at the same time there are scales of weaknesses; allow me to elaborate:

1- The weak-shallow kind:

are those people who take words literally the way they are. They just turn the right cheek and beg you to slap them thinking that would be their stairway to heaven. That is not “kindness”, this is the “walking on the safe side of the road” kind..they follow the rules (every single one of them) which is annoying sometimes because they don’t do it by conviction – they do it out of fear.

2 – The weak – smart ass kind:

He helps everybody because he loves the attention, because he likes being the “savior” and by savior I mean finding where the sugar is.. because that’s all they can do. They’re so busy making themselves busy with stupid stuff that they forget what actually matters.

3 – The weak – strong kind:

Weak – strong? Yeah I know. Here’s how it goes: they think they’re strong, they play strong, they showcase their strength but once alone, they’re insecure.

4 – The weak – cruel kind:

They act cruel because being cruel is the only choice they have. They know nothing else. They don’t know how to be anything else. How weak is that?!

5 – The normal weak:

That’s everybody else. We all have a certain weakness or a bit more; or probably all the above. Which is kind of beautiful; because there’s no such thing as perfect and it’s boring anyway! Truth is, weakness motivates us to be better, to do better, to dig for strength and to fight the death in us; let’s stay alive!

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2017

Happiness: there’s no such thing.

This is based on a real conversation.

– Sandra, I can’ find happiness.

There is no such thing.

– Excuse me?

There is no such thing as “being happy”, as finding “happiness”.. your search will never end. What is “happy”? Is it wealth? Fame? A PHD?..

– Wait. Your definition of happiness could be different than mine.

Exactly. That is why, next time you should try searching for peace of mind, peace of heart, serenity, life..etc. People waste their whole lives searching for happiness to die in disappointment. So my friend, let’s try searching for life among death, and for truth among lies. Happiness is boring; it’s the end of all roads.

Let’s just suppose, you meet that day, that glorious day where you find your “happiness”; then what? What’s next? What’s beyond that? What comes after that? What will you search for next? The happiness of others? That’s not how things work; in the books we read and the fairytales we live probably, but not here my friend..not on earth. 

– Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be your next post on your blog?

(I draw an evil smile on my face…and..oh well..)

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2017

“Hell is other people”

If there’s one thing I learned in life is to not judge people; no matter what.

Growing up as a kid; I used to do it because I was very religious and to me God and Jesus equaled “Love”; to love is to forgive, to love is to forget, to love is to let go, etc.

You might not agree with me on the “religion” part, but it sure paved the way.

A few years forward, I learned that every single person on earth is fighting a battle; every convict, selfish, thief, rapist once fought a battle. Well of course there are a bunch of assholes out there, forgiving doesn’t mean you should be passive and dumb. You are to roar and get angry but once you’re back into your own cage, you shut the door and let go!

See, dealing with people is hard! Jean-Paul Sartre wasn’t an idiot when he said: “Hell is other people.” It is.

Here’s the twist; for some reason, almost every person i know or meet finds me likeable but firm..allow me to elaborate: i hate “grey”! Ever heard of black or white? Yup, that’s me.

Am honest. Brutally honesty. No, I wouldn’t hurt you – the truth would. Not me though.

You’d ask me if that shirt looks good; I’ll tell you. I don’t care if it’s ugly and i don’t have to choose my words or decorate them to make them look good (even though i could); but truth is ugly. And trust me it was never colored. (No. A white lie doesn’t exist. Get over it.)

But wouldn’t the world be a bit better if we all were as brutally honest as some of us are? No one is a saint but hey! We try!

“Peopling” is hard, it sucks (thank God for coffee); it was never my thing – never will be.

They’re just so scared of going to hell that they act as sheep by day and wolves by night; for God’s sake, you can’t be scared of going to hell..i mean look around you; rape, murder, envy, war, etc…my friend, you’re already there!

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2016

God and I.

God and I are drifting apart.

I have no idea why but we don’t talk much anymore; don’t get me wrong, I still love and respect him but we’re not so close like we used to be.

I just don’t have the power nor the time to stop and listen; or to just sit there and appreciate all the beauty around me. It’s like am in a constant race against time and guess who’s always ahead!!

Sometimes I talk to him; i get angry a little then laugh at myself a little more but I have no idea if he still take me seriously or think of me as a lost cause.

Other times I just wonder if he’s actually there or if humanity just needed to create the idea of a God so we’d understand things and earth better..though i have witnessed miracles in my life and I do know that there is a good power out there helping me in ways i dont understand. But asking and doubting are what makes us human and hey..I tend to be very “human”. I am not afraid to understand or to learn new things, I jump in the mud because i know i can shower later on; I throw myself in that tornado – not because am untouchable- but because I know how to hang on to that tree waiting for the storm to pass..

Am I making sense to you?

See, I am a reader, a book lover..and when you read a lot; you ask a lot, some people stop at the question mark and others keep looking. Well, am still looking. For what? Glad you asked, because i have no clue what we’re searching for, but patience my friend; we’ll get there.

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2015

Written by “Her”…

They say she took the shadows on her wall as friends.

They say she spends sleepless nights waiting for the pain to end.

She lies on a cloud and talks alone.

She hears angels singing and brings them home.

They say she dances on trees and lives upon rainbows.

Her tears often fall down her cheek to hide the storm.

She probably loves living alone, while wars are drawn on the walls.

They say she lives with love.

They say she has riddles to solve.

She lifts her hands to pray but often, has nothing to say.

 She plays with the rain and hugs its thunder.

They say if you come for help she’d offer her heart on a golden tray.

Whenever she talks, people leave in wonder.

Though she says nothing at all but her silence is always heard.

They say, centuries ago she was just a caged bird.

She cries a lot when she’s asleep, she laughs to angels and saints.

Whenever sins visit her, the skies she paints.

No one understands what she means by flying at night,

They say she searches for death to fight;

They say her scream as she roars between trees is painful to hear

They say when she closes her eyes devils live in fear.

She has lived forever and died the second she was born,

They say God gave her special mourn

It’s the truth she’s always seeking 

Her words hold more than a thousand meaning.

She lives in the castles built from the sands

They say she reads special books with empty pages

They say she has cried for ages

They say her tears are imperceptible but her eyes talk frequently

Her hair has no color, her clothes have no price

She wears the same prayer regularly

They say she gives a new meaning to the word “nice”.

They say she often turns off the lights of her castle to think

And, time and again, her castles often sink

Her soul is always awake and asleep

Her truth repeatedly weeps

They say the sun consoles her when she tries to yield

The stars offer her a flower to decorate her field.

They say she walks on the streets just to walk

They say she talks to herself just to talk

They say she smiles when she cries and says the truth when she lies.

They say she calls for death just to be in her mother’s arms

They say life has no meaning once she’ll see God.

They say her whole charade is a play

She’s the hero and she’s waiting for the heroes to fail

They say she eats hunger and drinks thirst

They say she never sleeps and she always expects the worse.

They say her best friend is an invisible priest

In church is where she celebrates her feasts.

She often looks at the pictures of her wall

They say shadows soothe her when her leaves fall.

They say a lot of things and she never cares

They say loads of words when she passes but she never hears

They say fire tried to kill her but she has nothing to fear

They say sins tried to control her with temptation

But she was stronger than any persuasion.

She was created by an angel that doesn’t exist

People often seek her to ignore her mist

She cries because she has no other way

She tries because time doesn’t tolerate delay

God gave her light to sway

And a lamb to hug, a reason to stay

She has no fee to pay because she overlooks what they say!

Photo by: https://www.facebook.com/GatekeeperbyLucilleLK
Photo by:
https://www.facebook.com/GatekeeperbyLucilleLK

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2015

Celiac Disease sucks

When my doctor hit me with the diagnosis of having “Celiac Disease”; my first thought was: ‘ I survived migraines for years, this should be a piece of cake! ‘
Well, not really. Cakes are not allowed.

The first thing i did after arriving home was opening my laptop, going to Google and reading everything there is to know about Celiac.
What all websites had in common was hitting you with the good news: “Now you can eat healthy. Almost all healthy food is gluten free and allowed when you’re on a “celiac diet”..”

What they forgot to mention was the word ‘delicious’; ok so vegetables and fruits are great (that i can live with) but black beans? Gluten free products?
No am not difficult as you might think but for a vegetarian who does not eat chicken nor tolerate red meat, does not eat chocolate since it triggers my migraine headaches..having celiac disease sucks.

For the first two weeks i have lived on bananas and apples..then i went healthy (oh well)..

Now, on Christmas eve i thought to myself: what’s the worst that could happen? Diharrea again? I can survive with that. Let’s eat gluten..and i did. I ate pizza, cake, etc.
Ohh the human weakness..and so the symptoms went back. Yeah symptom (s), with an -s, it started from intestinal pain, diarrhea, itching, iron deficiency, mouth sores, numbness to chest pain..yeah all that from eating 1 slice of pizza and 1 piece of cake..

I can’t complain, am still luckier than many..but this goes out to all of you who underestimate the seriousness of this illness and its long term effects and as a salute to all of those who suffer from celiac.

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© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2015

Parenting with a twist.

I haven’t been a parent for so long but i have been a human being a little longer than that.
From all the parents i have met,  meet and know in my life..i have concluded a few things about parenting which you may agree or disagree with; but anyway here you go..

If you have kids or might have one day..please take five minutes (a little bit more) and hear me out.

Do not attempt to be their teacher. Yes, teach them everything there is to know about life but do not play by the rules.
Your kids are supposed to experience fear, courage, struggle, independence, truth, lies…etc.
Do not shove the truth in their faces as they’re supposed to know it already. Allow them to dream, if they draw a flying elephant for example, first mention how beautiful their drawing is no matter how hideous you may find it as an adult, explain that elephants can’t fly but if that’s how they like them to be, it is just fine.

Be patient. Patience is key. Yeah i know sometimes with lack of sleep, problems at work and everything else you’ll find it hard to keep cool but just try. Take a deep breath and remember that every little word or action affects your kids.

Your children will not learn by words; they learn by imitation. They see you do. They do.
You can’t tell them that eating lots of chocolate is bad for their teeth while you grab a bar every two hours.

They can’t tell the difference. You can’t say: “am allowed to lie a little because am an adult. But you’re not because you’re a kid.” Next thing you know your kid will be giving himself excuses to lie as well.

Don’t live your dream or fear through them.
Don’t. Ever.
They’re not supposed to become doctors just because you want them to or because you couldn’t be one yourself. We didn’t bring them to this world so we can “robotize” them (you know what i mean).
Your fears are yours alone. Allow them to experience theirs, not live yours.

Take the time to explain everything with careful words suitable to their age. When a 3 year old asks where do babies come from; the answer is not similar to a 5, 7 or 10 year old.

Let them respect you and not fear you.

Be firm but fair. Tender but rough. Loving and caring but certain borders are not to be crossed.

Do not, by any circumstance forget about yourself. Yes we all know you adore your children but if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll find yourself not loving who you are and if you can’t love yourself others will find it hard to love you.

Do not curse them. Blame them. Pick yourself up. You didn’t ask them if they wanted to be brought to life, so deal with your own shit and get over it.

Your children will not cancel your plans of “living” instead you’ll have a few more to share your plans with.

Your kid will not be your disappointing brother nor your selfish best friend or your lying cousin. Don’t raise them with such “failures” in head. Your kids are different, they will grow as a reflection of you and not anyone else.

Don’t say no without an explanation. That would be cruel and unfair.
“Because I said so” is such an idiotic expression  and a sign of ignorance.
You can replace it with: “No mom you can’t eat chocolate because i wouldn’t want you to hurt your teeth and see you suffer with the dentist.”
Or: “No mommy no more tv for today because the TV is not going anywhere. It’s yours to use. But let’s try reading a story together and imagine it with our own heads. I used to do that when i was a kid and it was loads of fun.”
Just be creative. You brought a human being to the world. You’ll find something right to say.

There are probably no specific rules to parenting but if you can’t be a good father or mother..just don’t bring kids to this world. It’s not an obligation. Really.
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© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2015

Here’s a confession..

Numb.

Thats how I felt today.

Imagine yourself standing in the middle of nowhere, a desert surrounds you, buildings, people, screams, thoughts, fears…all there at the same time, and all collapsing bit by bit.

And you keep standing still as if nothing affects you.

Its ugly. The world has become ugly and bitter that I’m not sure what we’re fighting for anymore.

You’d feel you want to be grateful for the blessings you have but can’t seem to be happy about it with all the cruelty in the world. When was it okay to brutally mistreat a child? Insult a mother? Belittle a father? Make fun of the less fortunate?

People seem to be craving fame and money that everyone is cheap all the sudden.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-social nor bitter but this is my world, my home, my people…

The most difficult feeling in the world is “just standing there”, you can’t do anything, you watch where the world is going, you stand on the cliff that’s falling but it’s heavy to carry.

It all starts with denial. You deny the only truth you know. You never want things to go the way they go, but still hell with the truth! People want lies!

It often ends with disappointment; whether you planned it or not. It ends anyway.

The prayers you postpone, the people you ignore, the facts you hide and the life you throw away were never yours anyway.

As a matter of fact, you might spend your days solving problems and thinking of new ones, of new riddles to solve, puzzles to end, rules to break and lives to fake.

It starts and ends while you stare and stand and wonder what happened in between?!

We are in between!

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© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014

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