Cheers …not

How do i escape reality? Why does it insist on being unfair to me?

Books can’t hold my thoughts anymore; i read and keep reading and the more I gather ideas, the more my brain keeps asking for more.

Cheers to authors and writers who know how to keep you busy with one book and one idea for a whole lot while. Cheers to you my friend if you have been surviving reality without trying to escape.

You’re better than me. I hate reality; It sucks! I demand having my dreams back.

i keep gazing at the wall closing my eyes slowly, imagining how life would have turned out to be if I shaped my reality differently; what’s with the sacrifices? What’s with “unconditional love”? They raise us based on platonic ideas and then you grow up and hit a wall (wall of bricks ); you tell yourself: “that’s not what my mama told me would happen! that’s not how she drew people’s reactions to my successes and failures!”

“Where did that world go mama?”

You’d say to yourself: next time i’m gonna strike back with an answer; or with something that would give privilege..There goes next time and there goes your privilege.

Well, apparently my mother lied to me (sorry mom); no one wipes my tears, no one sees how hurt I have become and no one helps me pick up my pieces; see, living in a cemetery is hard mother; it’s hard when you’re alive. You can’t breathe, you can’t see, everyone around you is dead and you keep searching for a way out but seem to run in circles.

No one mentioned how cruel people have become, how selfish they can get and how stupid they can be. Ignorance keeps taking over and it makes me sad mother, you said once that education is key; where the hell is the door?

 

How? Why?

How do you explain to someone that you’re hurt?

How do you tell them when they don’t care? When they can’t see you or can’t feel an inch of your broken heart?

How can you wave at a blind man and scream at a deaf girl?

Why is it that when we give someone everything we have; they take us for granted and shows you with cold heart how screwed up you are!

“No I don’t care” they said, “No I don’t give a shit” they explained…and here I am writing to you, someone, anyone hoping to be heard, felt, understood…

The world you built, the principles you stood on once, all gone, all destroyed! And for what? To whom? To anyone who, eventually, will not understand a single word your write or a song you sing, and will keep telling you what an idiot you are, what a shallow emotional being you have become!

Forget principles, forget family, forget love, let’s focus on the money! Let’s not take a break, let’s commit slow suicide by burying ourselves for people we think we know.

Oh What an idiot I’ve been! Screwed up my life for everyone and was thrown out in a dirty alley with no life at all! What’s with the world? Why is it drifting? Why is it so cold? I’m freezing to death but death wouldn’t take me. It keeps whispering that I still have little time left! But a little bit of rest is not a bad idea, why is death so selfish?

 

How I turned from a liar to an honest

It started when I was almost 7.

My parents got divorced (no big deal); but wait, back then; it was a huge deal. Women who got divorced were looked at differently so my grandmother made sure we don’t mention it to friends..

Besides the psychological shock of being abandoned and all the residues you can imagine; a few years forward and here I was; a 15 year old girl who had lots of friends and no truth in her at all. What was I suppose to tell my friends? I don’t know where my dad is? He left us just like that? No! Instead I made a whole different story in my head by imagining a “perfect dad” and bringing him to life through a web of lies.

My father was a doctor working in New York, we visit in the summer and he comes whenever he can (that’s where I got my perfect English from – or not)..of course it didn’t last long before everyone knew I was lying and was stamped with being a “fake” for the rest of high school and you can imagine the rest.

Did it hurt? yes.

Back then, I had no explanation of what I’d done, I lost my friends, my entourage and my good reputation for being real, no one understood why I did what I did; but it was that incident that made me embrace the truth.

I am not defined by my parents like our ancestors taught us; I define myself, it was at that exact moment that i started telling the truth no matter what. I transformed from a person living a complete lie,  an illusion to an honest and direct person who allows herself to dream through books.

Now, 17 years later, I have become sharp, honest, say what I think, don’t compromise when it comes to the truth and give my opinion of anything objectively. Not all people like that side of me but they all respect it.

Don’t I have flaws? Oh so many, but lying isn’t one of them; see, people talk a lot nowadays but they rarely say anything!

What? Mother

He doesn’t look at me like before mother..

He hasn’t noticed my hair or how i try to look pretty for him..

Mother, I’m not even sure if he sees me..

He doesn’t hold my hand

He wouldn’t hug me, not even once mother ..

He passes quietly by our quarrels like a guest when I desperately need him to speak

He sips his coffee, reads his paper and wouldn’t chat with me like before mother..

He treats me like a shadow while I reach for him screaming with unheard voices

He says he still cares but I highly doubt that mother

What have i done? What have i become? Where has he gone mother?

I pray to fall asleep every night but the bed doesn’t feel comfortable like before

The walls silently suffocate me as i stare at the nothingness around me

It’s probably my destiny mother

To learn to just love myself and write to you mother

He slipped away unlike anything you predicted mother

He doesn’t love me anymore and thinks I’m insane mother

He loves me, loves me not, loves me, not..

What have you done mother?

(Image source:everydayhealth.com)

HEAVEN..

Here is a question: what if when we die; we get to meet God and he asks us one question: “How was heaven?!

So how is “your heaven” so far? Any good?

Can you imagine waiting your whole life to live eternity in a “heaven”, any heaven … and you discover in the end that earth was the paradise we all once dreamt of but we screwed it up?

Let that sync for a moment..

The featured picture is credited to ” Tatiana Plakhova” – Music-Portraits-series

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2017

عاللّبناني

بينسوا إنّو أوقات تحت “الماركات” اللّي بيلبسوا، أجساد بلا روح وجماجم بلا دماغ

بينسوا إنّو الخَسّي اللّي بتكبر براسن إذا ما سقيوها علم وثقافة بتعفّن وبتصير للكبّ

بينسوا انّو الدّني بتدور والدّرج اللّي استعملوا ليطلعوا رح يرجع ينزلن

بينسوا يقروا بين السّطور مِكتفيّين بيلّي بشوفوا

بينسوا يفكروا، يحبّوا، يسامحوا

هلّق يمكن بينسوا يتذكروا أو بيتذكروا ينسوا…ما بعرف، بصراحة نسيت

ساندرا الشامي القسّيس

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2017

Just a statement

Here is a small statement about fashion i shared on my Facebook wall that I would love to hear your opinion about:

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2017

Okay?!

– It’s okay.

In life you will get hurt, you will be treated as a “nobody” and that’s okay.

You will get angry, you will get mad and that’s okay.

You will live in denial at times and other times you will embrace the truth and that’s okay.

You will try your best, you will give up then try again; sometimes you will feel alive and sometimes you will feel numb and that’s okay.

Every day will be slightly different and that’s okay.

You ‘ll turn that alarm off, drag yourself out of bed, hoping for a miracle, just any miracle would do. The day begins, it ends…you finish it looking like a zombie and that’s okay.

A glass of wine; white wine preferably. You sit by the window, grab a book you’ve wanted to read a year ago. One hour later; the glass is empty, the book is still closed, you’re still looking from that window and that’s okay.

A dream would do. You’re good wih dreaming; it’s what keeps you going. Dream big or dream small, whatever. As long as you come back then it’s okay.

Forget dreaming. Go dancing. Let yourself loose for once. Release that inner child. Make a mistake. It’s alright, it’s okay.

Stop caring if you lose them, let them care for once it’s okay.

Throw a lie here and there; standing by a principle is no longer fashionable..and that’s okay.

– Wait! So when is it NOT okay?

– You, convincing yourself that THIS is okay!

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2017

School or Alcatraz! 

I haven’t been a teacher for long but ive read for longer than ive known; and ive been a mother a bit longer; plus, I have been in love with kids since ever and my passion for teaching and giving for children is higher than any career i have known.

But just like any profession, i believe that our teaching system needs to be improved; especially in our country where it needs to be “revolutionized”. Please, allow me to elaborate.

First, what ever happened to respect? I mean call me old fashioned but the words “please” , “thank you” , “May I” , “Good morning” etc. Which should be tought at home seem to be missed from our kids’ vocabulary. So a session or two of “savoir vivre” per week are a must!

Second, we oblige our students especially those of young age to sit for 7 hours or so straight in silence hushing them not allowing them to say a word or move and then we accuse them of suffering from ADHD. Or better yet, we give them full freedom to move around and say whatever the hell they want and once the hit a certain grade they’re not allowed to move anymore. What happened to going “in between”?

Third, adopting new methods! We can’t keep recycling our old teaching method and call it history. Have you heard of Finland? Have you seen Finland’s students? New methods should include games, art, dancing, whatever students are good at! It’s no big deal if a student doesn’t like maths or doesn’t understand shakespeare..

Fourth, we stress on grades and give high importance to comparison (especially parents) that students end up thinking only of their grades and end the day learning nothing.

Shouldn’t school be all about experiencing new stuff and the joy of new information?

We suck this joy out of our students that they literally drag theirselves to prison ( oh sorry i meant school) praying it will end their suffering with every breath they take.

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2017

How weak is that?!

There are two kinds of people: the kind and the cruel.

As far as I know, nice people are not always as nice as they seem; their kindness can be a result of weakness. Same as for the unkind ones, their cruelty may be a sign of weakness too.. that is why whenever we judge someone we should always make sure they’re strong enough.

Oddly enough, nowadays people seem to confuse weakness with kindness and vice versa.. See, weakness is not something one should be ashamed of but at the same time there are scales of weaknesses; allow me to elaborate:

1- The weak-shallow kind:

are those people who take words literally the way they are. They just turn the right cheek and beg you to slap them thinking that would be their stairway to heaven. That is not “kindness”, this is the “walking on the safe side of the road” kind..they follow the rules (every single one of them) which is annoying sometimes because they don’t do it by conviction – they do it out of fear.

2 – The weak – smart ass kind:

He helps everybody because he loves the attention, because he likes being the “savior” and by savior I mean finding where the sugar is.. because that’s all they can do. They’re so busy making themselves busy with stupid stuff that they forget what actually matters.

3 – The weak – strong kind:

Weak – strong? Yeah I know. Here’s how it goes: they think they’re strong, they play strong, they showcase their strength but once alone, they’re insecure.

4 – The weak – cruel kind:

They act cruel because being cruel is the only choice they have. They know nothing else. They don’t know how to be anything else. How weak is that?!

5 – The normal weak:

That’s everybody else. We all have a certain weakness or a bit more; or probably all the above. Which is kind of beautiful; because there’s no such thing as perfect and it’s boring anyway! Truth is, weakness motivates us to be better, to do better, to dig for strength and to fight the death in us; let’s stay alive!

© Sandra Chami Kassis – sandrachamikassis.wordpress.com, 2014 – 2017

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